Sssstt…..sex! 

“Kiki, kamu kan biasa jalan sama bule-bule, pasti kamu sering seks ya sama bule?” –some random people.

DEG!

Apa mereka pikir saya semudah itu?

Saya mengerti bahwa saya lahir, tinggal, dan besar di Negara yang agamis. Saya menghormati setiap aturan agama. Tapi bagi saya, seks itu bukan urusan antara saya dan agama. Ini urusan saya dengan Tuhan. Luasnya, seks juga urusan pribadi saya dengan sanksi sosial yang ada dan antara saya dengan apa yang diajarkan orang tua saya dan lingkungan saya.

Selama saya tinggal serumah dengan orang-orang kulit putih maupun bergaul dengan mereka dalam beberapa kesempatan saat party, tidak ada satupun dari mereka yang kurang ajar sama saya. Jelasnya, tidak ada satupun dari mereka yang tidur dengan saya tanpa komitmen dan perasaan apapun. Bahkan, membicarakan hal yang menjuruspun, mereka tidak. Ah rasanya sekarang saya ingin bertepuk tangan memberi applause untuk mereka.

Baiklah, jikapun ada yang pernah secara eksplisit mengajak saya ‘mengarungi malam’, keputusan ada si tangan saya bukan? Jika saya berkata “ya”, maka akan terjadi. Jika saya berkata “tidak”, mereka menghormati keputusan saya dan akan mencoba dengan yang lain.

Toh, lihatlah di sekeliling kita. Berapa banyak pasangan yang sudah bercinta sebelum menikah? Seks bukan hanya sebatas intercourse saja ketika dua alat kelamin saling digunakan sesuai fungsinya untuk menghasilkan keturunan. Well, saya mau pakai istilah having sex saja ya supaya lebih luas. Jadi segala kegiatan yang melibatkan alat reproduksi untuk tujuan pemuasan dengan atau tanpa pasangan, itu termasuk seks. Menurut saya.

Saya menghormati seks. Saya pun manusia yang normal. Namun bukan berarti saya menggunakan “kenormalan” saya sebagai pembelaan untuk saya melakukannya dengan mudah, bukan? Bukankah kita sebagai manusia juga diberi tanggung jawab untuk menjaga dan mengontrol diri? Sungguh, jika saya harus tidur dengan orang yang tidak saya cintai, itu sama dengan memperkosa diri saya sendiri. Pun, jika saya tidur dengan orang yang saya cintai dan mendapati dia tidak mencintai saya, bukankah itu sangat menyakitkan?

Mari kita margin-kan bahasan seks ini tanpa membawa nama agama apapun. Bahkan Tuhan. Mari kita pakai sudut pandang semesta kita untuk melihat kebutuhan biologis ini. Segala sesuatu itu pasti ada konsekuensinya, bukan? Begitu pula seks. Jika memang kamu siap melakukannya, maka pikirkan konsekuensinya.

Baiklah, mungkin kamu belum diijinkan untuk hamil karena usahamu dengan pasanganmu dalam melakukan safe sex sangat protektif. Mungkinpun kamu terbebas dari resiko penyakit menular seksual karena kamu memang benar-benar selektif dalam memiih partner, atau bisa juga kamu memang hanya melakukannya dengan satu orang saja. Namun ada satu bagian dalam dirimu yang juga akan mendapatkan konsekuensi setelah kamu berhubungan seks. Hati nuranimu.

Hati nurani. Ah, dunia pun sudah dipenuhi dengan orang-orang berhati tangguh pula. Mungkin luka di masa lalu telah membuat beberapa kaum adam dan hawa menjadi sekuat ini terhadap beberapa kenyataan hidup yang pahit dalam dunia percintaan. “I need it, I want it, and I would grab anyone to sleep with”. Lagi, saya tidak akan memberikan penghakiman dan/atau pembelaan. Itu urusan individu masing-masing dengan nurani mereka.

Jadi, saya harap tidak ada lagi yang berfikir bahwa semua wanita yang berteman (atau berpacaran) dengan bule, adalah wanita yang mudah diajak tidur. Jika memang beberapa dari kita pernah bertemu produk bule yang mudah mengumbar cinta dan bercinta dengan siapapun, toh lelaki Indonesia juga banyak yang seperti itu. Sangat tidak adil kalau kita mengambil random sample untuk mewakili segala populasi.

Sampai detik ini, saya berteman baik dengan beberapa kaum adam dari Inggris, Belanda, dan Jerman. Kami berkomunikasi hampir setiap hari. Dan tidak ada satupun dari mereka yang pernah meremehkan martabat saya sebagai wanita Indonesia. Atau mungkin saya yang beruntung.

Lust is indeed always tricky. Mari belajar dari kesalahan. Jika belum pernah salah, belajarlah dari kesalahan orang lain.

 

IMG_3019
Bali, 2015. Photo by P.A.

You are smart, beautiful, and sexy. You shouldn’t be easy. –Mum

From Tugu with . . . .

“If you want to help somebody, just offer it! If it is accepted, it’s good. If it is rejected, nothing to lose; as it will be a blessing for somebody else who worth it.”

Kay

One of my family’s relative; Nunuk, married with a white man (bule). She lives in a countryside of The Netherlands with her husband. When her husband still has so much energy to travel (now he is around 80s), she used to come to Indonesia to visit her only one grown-up daughter from her first marriage with an Indonesian man.

When aunty Nunuk married the Dutch, Hilda (the name of the daughter) couldn’t be taken to The Netherlands to follow her mom staying there. I used to visiting them when aunty Nunuk comes to Indonesia, and even I had ever lived with Hilda for one year when I was in the third grade of Senior High School. At the time it was not easy for her to live in such kind of big rented house by herself, so my sister and I were asked to live with her for a companion.

When I was kid, Nunuk told me to learn foreign language (at least English) so I can see the world. She also encouraged me to help any foreigner if I find them look confuse of something. Once I was with her in a supermarket (the name was Hero, now it’s not available in Solo anymore) which sold some imported stuffs such as cheese, some alcohol drinks, etc. She is nice woman and always has willingness to help people. I saw her for several times helping some supermarket visitors (who mostly foreigners) when they got confuse of something in Hero. That was the thing I still remember of her before she decided to be The Netherlands’ citizen and I have not seen her again for more than 10 years by now.

Time does fly, I am a student of English Education Department right now. Nothing much changing of myself. I am still shy (sometimes) in front of new people. I don’t like show my self off. How about helping ‘the lost’ foreigner then if I don’t brave to talk to a stranger?

I was in the train station in Yogyakarta waiting for my train back to Solo. In the waiting room, I was sitting next to two white girls with their very big carrier (I think they don’t come from English speaking country). I thought they were also going to Solo cause the south flat is for trains which go to the east such as Solo, Malang, Surabaya, Banyuwangi and the train schedule at the time is only the train which goes to Solo. In my deepest heart, I would love to greet them, at least having general small talk as normal Indonesian way. But there was a big stone blocked my head, “DO NOT DISTURB THEIR PRIVACY. Look! They are reading their Lonely Planet, it means they are busy. Just don’t start any naive conversation”.

Guess, which was the winer; my heart or my head?

I bite my tongue. I didn’t talk anything to them. You know how was the feeling when you just keep thinking without doing anything. Maybe I am too tender. I think my mom and my grandma will feel the same like me if they are trapped in the same situation like me. I kept sitting next to them until the train to Solo finally came. A crowd happened in the line of the train, I was waiting until no more crowd though I had no seat number.

Suddenly, one of the girl approached a cleaning service guy and asked something I couldn’t hear while showing her train ticket. I moved to approach my train but still kept my eyes on them and tried to guess what was going on by reading the situation.

I was pretty sure that my thought was totally wrong. They didn’t go to east of Java but the west (maybe Bandung) and they spent hours of waiting in the wrong line! They missed their train. Ya, for sure they missed their train as I heard the train station operator had mentioned the departure of the train to Bandung. They probably didn’t pay attention to the clock by waiting the train which coming, but however we can’t see trains which going to west from the south side. One sad thing is; there is no information in English from the train station.

Behind the train’s window I saw their regretful face. So did I.

Why didn’t I just greet them? At least by saying ‘Hi’, it would direct me to ask where they were going to and I could show them where they should have been waiting for the train. At least they wouldn’t miss their train.

I was blaming my self why didn’t I follow my heart. At that moment, I remembered what Nunuk told me. I wish I can be more brave to talk to them without thinking what responses I am going to get. In fact, God knows my motivation to be kind to people only, especially for those who needs help.

I wish my regret would fade as The Prambanan Express leaving Tugu Railway Station.