Plis, deh… Jangan Gatel Lagi!

Mbak gatel.

Aku pernah denger lelucon pepatah begini: uang memang nggak bisa menjamin kebahagiaan. Tapi lebih baik menangis di dalam mobil Mercedes Benz daripada di atas sepeda motor. Kalau aku sih mau nambahin dikit jadi gini: uang memang nggak bisa menjamin kebahagiaan. Tapi lebih baik menangis di dalam mobil Mercedes Benz daripada di atas sepeda motor, apalagi kalau pas hujan deras. Soalnya hujan-hujan naik motor itu agak syusyah juga. Mau nutup helm, jalannya nggak keliatan. Kalau nggak ditutup kaca helmnya, muka kena air hujan yang turun dari langit, yang rasanya kayak ditampar bapak pakai sandal waktu aku kecil. Pedes, cin!

Kalau aku sih nggak pilih keduanya. Kondisinya ama-sama nangis soalnya. Kan sedih. Tapi kalau disuruh milih, aku mau milih di dalem Mercedes Benz dan bahagia. Sorry, it was out of options.

Ngobrol-ngobrol tentang kemewahan, suatu hari di bulan Maret 2016, aku pernah nginep di salah satu hotel bintang lima di Surabaya yang konon Syahrini suka juga nginep di situ. Ceritanya, itu adalah momen reuni dengan none-none syantik semasa aku kerja di Jakarta. Dan itu aku digratisin karena mereka paham bahwa aku yang paling kere kangen berat sama aku. Kalau buatku sendiri, Surabaya seperti rumah kesekian karena aku sering transit di Surabaya dari Denpasar maupun nebeng bobok di rumah sahabat-sahabatku di dekat Juanda. Jadi, kala itu aku juga nggak excited-excited amat waktu bilang,”yeay, akhirnya main ke Surabaya!” *yaapa sih kon iku -.-

J.W.M.

Saat itu, aku sedang menderita sakit gatal-gatal. Literally gatal. Jadi sekujur tubuhku gatel dan muncul bintik-bintik merah. Itu berlangsung selama sekitar tiga bulan. Meskipun udah ke dokter, minum jamu, mandi rempah, pakai bedak, tetap aja gatelnya nggak reda. Reda sejenak habis mandi, lalu timbul lagi dan rasanya harus selalu pengen digaruk. Bersyukurnya, mukaku nggak ikut bintik-bintik meskipun sempat agak mruntus. Belakangan diketahui bahwa sakit gatel itu adalah bagian dari stress/depresiku pada waktu itu. Kapan-kapan aku ceritain kalau lagi mood.

Bintik-bintik merah menggemaskan.

Kembali lagi tentang kisah sehari melancong mewah, makanlah daku seporsi kepiting saus padang yang endez. Lalu sesampainya di hotel gatalnya makin manja, minta digaruk. Akhirnya aku berendam air hangat di bath-up dan dikasih garam dikit (uda disiapin dari hotelnya). Tapi seperti yang kuceritain di atas, gatalnya reda sejenak setelah mandi aja, habis itu balik lagi. Akhirnya, tidur di ranjang cantik bak princess pun juga nggak lelap karena sering kebangun dan garuk-garuk.

Lega sementara…

Terus kaitannya sama lelucon pepatah di atas tadi apa? Kalau menurutku, mau dimanapun kalau kita lagi nggak enak ati, nggak enak badan, rasanya ya kemewahan itu terasa hambar. Pun sebaliknya. Mau dimanapun dan dalam kondisi apapun, asal sama orang yang asik dan disayangin, pasti bakal indah.

Di akhir cerita, aku tetep haha-hihi sama teman-temanku: membahas masa depan, diskusi tentang ketuhanan (agak berat ini topiknya), dan ngomong saru konten 17+. Terima kasih untuk kasihnya, kawan. Kini aku sudah nggak gatal.

Santi. Santi. Santi.

Some Old Books

perpus
uns.lib.ac.id
I was walking on the aisle of campus library. Between some old books; some even older than me. Scamming each book I found, trying to find some theories I needed. The books were interesting. They are. Always.

I was thinking to my self, if only I were very diligent and give my full concentration to study, I must be becoming Master of Art by now, like what I wanted. But I was not that kind of students who visit library so often.  I was not that kind of students who highly motivated in learning and caught teacher’s attention. If only I never wasted my super precious time with some irresponsible guys before.

If only I never fell in love with that miserable IT guy. I would never wasted my time texting, dating, and thinking about a cheater like him, I would have had studied harder. I would have had focused only on my study. I would have had a very good grade.

If only there were no drama with that fine-art student, being in campus would not felt like hell. He’s nasty. He’s the greatest liar I met in my life. He embarrassed me in front my teacher and friends. Gladly, they are on my side. A friend offered to hug me after a drama incident he made to save his face in front of the young woman he loved.

It was felt so hurt before. I used to think that my life was messed up. I spent a lot of nights crying before I fell asleep. There was a great anxiety for my future. Like, I thought that my life was over.

But then I tried hard to get up. I believe that God was on my side. Yes, HE is always with those who are right. Lucky me, HE let me see what had happened to those who hurt me were not right. I could only say “I am sorry, darling. You pay the price”. Karma does exist.

Then… jump on my worst GPA ever. There was that engineer. Ah, it’s better not to talk about him. He gave me strong intention to be a single and complete person rather than dating a bastard.

Three years later, my strength ruined when I met der ausländer two and half years ago. We can never predict what’s going on in the future, it’s what I was feeling when I met him and spent some moments with him. He told me that he had feeling to me, but I should know that it was not love. He doesn’t love me.

He had left though, but this angel babe still thought about him. I turned crazy again. But…..Ah, he once said that I am not the only one. 

Whatever, life must go on. I have a good job which I love so much. I am financially independent. I have very happy family and wonderful friends. I’ll be alright.

The last one I fell in with told me that “your lovers can be your teacher”.  Did they teach me? They trained me, and gave me very hard time to strengthen me. I learn myself. Now I am happy after forgiving them and of course, my self.

These old books had brought me to some old memories. It was hurt, but now, there is no more pain in my heart when I talk about it. It’s true that time heals you. Albeit time never able to go backward to take us in the past to avoid some mistakes we did.

 

–I have been starting to write my first chapter in my new book of life.

 

Campus’ Library, April 2016

Balada Kisah Cinta Deadpool dan Drama Netflix

Jakarta itu tempat yang asik buat jalan-jalan. Ke mall. Tapi yang bikin nggak asik adalah macetnya. Kalau dari kos saya di Karet, saya mau ke GI, LOVE, atau Semanggi deket. Tapi kalau pas saya lagi visit saudara di Jaktim, mau kemana-mana kok agak males. 

Akhirnya, setelah tiga hari hidup mengeluyur sebagai anak mall, saya dan sepupu saya memutuskan buat tinggal di rumah aja di hari Sabtu. Masak makanan sendiri juga pakai bahan seadanya karena bener-bener males keluar. Mau istirahat, lagian sepupu saya juga harus belajar buat UTS. Saya juga memutuskan untuk menghabiskan waktu sehari semalam dengan nonton drama-drama cinta di Netflix.

Saya nggak inget sih nonton film apa aja. Banyak pokoknya. Oiya, sehari sebelumnya saya sempet nonton Deadpool juga di CineMax. Deadpool juga ada kisah cintanya kan ya walopun bukan drama. 

Summary dari semua film yang saya tonton adalah: KALO CINTA PASTI BALIK. Ya…… Love will always find a way. Walopun baik yang di Deadpool maupun film di Netflix (saya lupa judulnya), si cewek ngatain “asshole” ke cowoknya pas cowok-cowok itu kabur ngilang tanpa pamit lalu balik lagi, akhirnya mereka juga bersatu juga. 

Iya, saya tau, itu kisah cinta di film. Bukan kisah cintanya Sri dan Thomas. Eh, tapi ya bisa juga ya Sri dan Thomas ketemu lagi di masa depan. Kalau Vanessa masih nerima Wade Wilson pas dia balik2 cacat and botak, Sri bisa nerima nggak ya kalau Thomas balik-balik botak dan perutnya buncit? 

Ah…. Cinta….. Ah, film…… Ah, baper……
 

yang brewok dikit-dikit gini emang bikin baper
  
ada yang setia nemenin nonton
 

–Jakarta yang lagi hobi mendung dan hujan, Februari 2015.

 

The Lost Love

kaykikay
P.A.

A couple months ago I visited some friends in Jogjakarta. My friends talked about a married couple; an Australian man-Indonesian woman who were about to divorce. The man caught his wife hook up with another man: a young Indonesian guy who is even younger than his wife. She cheated on him, sleeping with another guy in the bed where she used to use to make love with her husband.

A cyber war happened afterward. The man made status on his Facebook, telling, “you are as same as you were when the first time I met you; cheap and easy chick!” and some other status wars I didn’t really follow when my friends were talking about it. In the end, the woman deactivated her Facebook. And yeah, they are now no longer husband and wife.

Of course that’s not our business. But, don’t we aware that sometimes people love to talk about our ‘miserable’ life as their entertainment? During their talk, I made joke, “please take me to that man! I’ll heal his wound with my love. I’ll rescue him”. I begged. Seriously. Joking.

“Catch him in Singapore! I heard he moved there”. Then my friends were laughing.

Sometimes people use a distance, different hours, and lack of communication as the reasons why the feeling fades. But in some cases, sometimes the feeling keep staying strong even there is no communication between two, only prayers. Of course it really depends on what kind of lover we are. For the case above, it shows that even you live in the same house and you see your lover everyday, it doesn’t guarantee that you lover is loyal to you.

I always have no idea when people state that they divorce because there is no more strong feeling between two. For me, who come from East culture, I am taught that marriage is about being strong in the storm, not just leave when there is no more string, which turns you on so fast. Marriage is about stand up for your family, not for your own self. Of course, I don’t judge some people who decide to divorce in the end since I don’t know what really matter for two.

It’s life. It’s mysterious. We never know with whom we will fall in love, but we can choose whom we will spend our life with. I often hear that a good person deserves for a good one. So, if you want to end up with a good person, you should first be a good one. Though in real life perhaps you may catch a nice woman dated with a jerk, or opposite.

Well, I hope every one is happy with what they choose in life. And give their best loyalty. I hope.

 

Mau Jadi Apa

Dulu waktu kecil, saya itu termasuk anak yang cerdas. Ya bandel sih, suka main panas-panasan, renang di empang, balapan sepeda, dan temen saya cowok semua.

Waktu SD, saya juga ranking minimal sepuluh besar terus.

Waktu SMP udah tambah bandel. Suka telat dateng ke sekolah. Suka main ke rumah temen tanpa pulang dulu ke rumah. Tapi masih tetep pinter walaupun nggak selalu ranking. Menurut saya lho ya.

Waktu SMA, bandelnya semakin menjadi. Suka pulang maghrib karena uda sok sibuk jadi pengurus OSIS. Pinter??? Emmm mungkin untuk beberapa mata pelajaran saya masih terbilang mencolok. Sering banget bolos karena itu tadi, sok sibuk jadi pengurus OSIS.

Pas kuliah….. Semakin menjadi deh bandelnya. Udah semakin berani mencoba hal-hal yang sering dilarang orang tua. Teorinya, semakin dilarang semakin si bocah penasaran kan. Tapi akhirnya apa yang mama bilang itu selalu benar. Eh. Kebanyakan benar ding.

Sekarang saya lagi duduk di lobi hotel. Lihat mbak-mbak pegawai hotel seliweran. Di arah jam 11 pun terdapat salah satu outlet maskapai. Iseng-iseng saya buka career opportunity di maskapai tersebut. Cek cek cek keknya saya ngga cocok sama job vacancy yang tersedia. Belum punya ijasah soalnya.

Lalu saya juga iseng-iseng bayangin diri saya kalau saya beneran kerja di hotel; nerima tawaran dari beberapa teman di Bali yang mengelola hotel. Kayaknya skill Bahasa Inggris saya bisa masuk ke kerjaan-kerjaan tersebut.

Ah…. Sepertinya saya harus menyelesaikan apa yang saya barusan iseng-isengin. Iya. Sepertinya harus bangun dulu dari tidur dan kembali ke realita bahwa status saya sebagai mahasiswa belum juga berakhir.

Kalau dulu waktu ditanya “mau jadi apa?”, saya selalu punya jawaban. Waktu TK sampai SMP saya mau jadi arsitek. Eh waktu SMA kok saya sebelnya ampun-ampun sama Kimia, yasudah jadi anak IPS aja. Sempet pengen jadi akuntan, tapi setelah dipikir-pikir lagi saya mau jadi guru aja. Karena waktu itu saya ngefans sama guru-guru saya yang pinter-pinter.

Eh… Ga taunya hidup penuh kejutan ya. Saya sempat kerja jadi guru iya, translator iya, jurnalis iya, presenter iya, tour guide iya, akuntan iya, public relation iya, graphic designer juga iya. Stop… Ngga usah bayangin kalo saya keren. Saya itu belajar dan digaji. Lucky!

Sekarang kalau ditanya “mau jadi apa”, saya mau jawab satu aja “saya mau lulus aja”. Iya saya pengen cepetan lulus biar segera menepakkan sayap saya kembali. Lalu terbang tinggi.

The Essence of Loving

Jpeg
random couple in Ritz Carlton Nusa Dua

 

People who fall in love tend to be selfish. Why? Because when we (are in) love, we want what we give to somebody will return to us. While in fact, not every strong feeling can be accepted.

Sometimes, that love feeling can turn to hate and we can turn to hurt the one that we loved once cause we d’t get what we expect of loving somebody.

When somebody we love doesn’t love us in return, be patient and stay strong. And be relieving. Remember, not all of the feeling and your care to somebody can be accepted. And sometimes, they do not consider it as a love.

If you had planted love but what you get is a pain, that’s actually the consequence of loving: giving without taking advantage or expecting it to be back to us, caring to those we love sincerely even we are just taken for granted. Keep doing the good things even what we get is just a pain. And can be some pains.

In the end, there will be a moment when you discover the truth. Time will show you somebody who is worth waiting (or fighting) for. Then the truth will push you to move on: to forgive yourself and to love yourself more, not to hang your heart in somebody new for an escape.

Written when the rain pouring in Manahan, Solo – Indonesia.

 

 

Waiting for Love

Sometimes what you thing as the best for you, is not always the best.

–Kiki

waiting for love
waiting for love. Photo by: S. Giardian – Australia

My encounter with Mike has changed my life a lot. Having him, I could say that I am the happiest and proudest young woman in the city. Mike is always with me all the time and supports me in my life’s struggles. He also makes me happy by supporting me doing my hobbies.

I met Mike just few days before I left Jakarta. Somehow I was impressed by the way I met him. He came in the right time when I was on my loss from Bali. Instead of listening to my friends’ opinion for not taking him to my life, I followed my heart to make him a part of me.

Being with him is also not easy. I should adapt hard enough to understand him and have chemistry with him. Taking care of him is also high cost since he came from faraway country. Again, sometimes people laugh at my decision of choosing him. But I never give up on him. Never 🙂

Here we are; My MacBook (Mike) and I.
Here we are; My MacBook (Mike) and I.

Few months ago I lost the opportunity of buying a laptop. It was a small cute blue ASUS that had accompanied me for 8 months working in Bali and few weeks in Jakarta. I loved that computer so much since it is small and movable.

In the end of March, I came back again to Bali from Jakarta to close the project and said a goodbye to every asset we had in Bali by selling it. The blue laptop was also on the product list. I planed to buy it since I don’t have a personal computer anymore.

Unfortunately, the boss couldn’t sell the small blue ASUS cause there are some pivotal software on it. I was sad at the time but still manage to be okay by telling myself if that was the best.

Two days after arrived in Bali, I made design for Villa promotion with Asus.
Two days after arrived in Bali, I made design for Villa promotion with Asus.

After finished working in Bali, I went back to Jakarta for another few weeks. It was three days before I left the city. A colleague came to my office and dropped a MacBook Pro. At the time, my job was selling company’s assets and she asked my workmate to help her market it. I fell in love at the first sight when I saw him, the computer (I used to work with iMac during my time on Jakarta office). I told to my self, “he will be mine!”

In the day I finally left Jakarta for Tangerang, I was spending almost 6 hours in total by waiting in the main lobby of Menara Batavia; where my office locates. It was Saturday and there were no many people in the building. The former owner wanted to back-up the data before I could bring the MacBook home. We made appointment at 2 pm, I waited until 4 but she didn’t come. I tried to contact her but there was no answer then I decided to go back to my flat (which is just 5 minutes walking from the building).

When I was in my flat and packed my stuffs, I changed my mind not to buy the computer. I thought that probably she canceled selling the computer. Then at 4.30 pm, I received a text from her that she would be in the office at 5. I took shower then came back to office and waited again until 7 o’clock but she didn’t come. At the time I really wanted to quit; not to take the computer with me. I left the last message for her that I should leave Jakarta at 8, so if she doesn’t come before 8, I cancel the transaction.

I walked desperately to my flat. I packed all of the stuffs then suddenly a strange number contacted me. It was a call from her and she told that she would be there (in the office) soon. I was feeling like, going or not going. But yes, I kept coming again to the office by bringing my giant suitcase, a huge carrier on my back, a computer bag hung on my left shoulder, a handbag hung on my right shoulder, and still carried a small paper bag. Ready to leave for good!

Finally she came. Apparently she was bit busy cause one of her family member was hospitalized at the time and she should manage some things. I could understand then. She invited me to come to the 25th floor (our office) to copy some data. In the same time, my cousin came with his kids to pick me up so I dropped my belongings to his car while I waited for the computer in the office. The former owner also invited my niece and nephew to join us to our office. They were very impressed by the beauty of the building. Then time passed, I finally got my Mike.

Sometimes we may think that we had skipped or lost the best for us. I thought that small cute blue ASUS was the best for me since I had him work very well before. It’s not about how much the price for a quality (and well, some people think as a prestige), but it’s about what is proper, suit, and match for us. I may lose something that I did really want once, but in the end I got what’s proper for me.

And that long waiting paid off. Thanks for my cousin and his wife, and the kids who were waiting with me.

And to mbak Ria; I take care of him well 🙂

In my memories of strong wind blew and quietness of Menara Batavia, in that Saturday evening. May 2015.