Word War

Ibarat sebuah perang, aku hanya pasrah saat dipasang di barisan depan.

Perang, sesuatu yang datang tiba-tiba. Tidak memberiku salam terlebih dahulu maupun waktu untuk sekedar memerikasa jika peluruku sudah penuh. Siap tidak siap, mau tidak mau, aku harus maju.

Aku ditembak, dibom, dilempar granat, bahkan pedang tajam menusuk bersamaan dengan amunisiku yang terakhir.

Namun aku kuat sampai akhir perang itu selesai. Aku hampir menangis, tapi kutahan. Takut kalau-kalau ingusku ikut keluar. Kan malu.

Aku keluar dari medannya dengan senyum lebar meskipun aku sudah tidak punya muka. Pasukan yang menantiku ikut tersenyum dan bahagia setelah aku kembali kepada mereka. Senyum yang kuanggap tulus ternyata menipu hatiku yang sesungguhnya. Orang-orang tau bahwa aku menang, tapi sebenarnya kalah penuh luka. Namun aku masih hidup dan bertahan.

Di akhir cerita, aku memberi waktu diriku untuk menyembuhkan luka sembari memaksa kakiku untuk tetap berjalan.

Perang selalu menyisakan duka. Amunisi yang berceceran kini kupunguti dan kususun kembali. Bahkan kupoles hingga nampak baru lagi.

Pun demikian, aku bangga. Aku adalah pahlawan. Untuk diriku sendiri. Aku menang atas ketakutanku sendiri.

 Sayang, perang belum berakhir sampai aku benar-benar mati.

Tribute to my Thesis Judgement moment July 12th, 2016. 

Sun Sets in my Heart

Living in rural place, close to nature, and quite in the East of Bali made me feeling awkward and excited in the same time when I visited my friend in Legian. We spent an evening hanging out in one of the famous and fancy beach clubs in Double Six area, Seminyak. At first, an usher woman stared at me in a strange way. I guessed it was because of the way I dressed in a long jeans and tank top, nothing smelt glamorous and sexy from me.

The woman asked me if I had made a reservation and I answered her by pointing my friend who is already well known in the beach club. She got what I meant that I came with my friend. She then nodded and let me come in. My friend said hi to almost everyone there. She’s been famous here and she looks fancy. Yeah, I was there just because of her.

A foreigner DJ played music that match with the sunset moment and the crowd of Seminyak at the time. Some of visitors were swimming in the pool, some were just sitting down enjoy the drinks and the music while talking to some friends. I observed around and find a fact: people who work here are more kind to foreign tourist and those who ‘looks’ rich. It’s very understandable and nothing’s wrong with that since it’s what they should do.

I refused the third cocktail offered to me. Honestly, I would be happier if there is somebody offered me a glass of orange juice or sweet chocolate ice or well, maybe a glass of Virgin Mojito. I am not a big fan of alcohol. Just because of one reason: it’s pricey.

“I would be the one who drives home, so I must not get drunk”. It’s just two glasses of Cocktail and I felt bit tipsy so fast. I said no when my friend offered me her cigarette. A waiter approached us and smiled while replacing the ashtray full of menthol cigarette on our table with the new one. My friend smiled to him back as the sign of “thanks”.

The sun has set. It’s time to leave, find something to eat for diner, shower, and then sleep. For sure, the morning would wake me up with massive stomachache of the alcohol, which processed in my tummy.

On the way home, I kept thinking of my place in the village; a place where I am welcomed as I am, a place of simplicity and honest life: Tulamben.

–Legian, which is always summer.

IMG_3206
sunset time

Tempat Minum Dwi

bottle
bukalapak.com

Sebagai pegawai biasa dengan ijazah SMA, ayah saya hanya mampu mengirim saya ke sekolah yang sewajarnya; bukan sekolah yang mahal, bukan sekolah dengan ibu-ibu sosialita berbincang tentang arisan dan branded stuffs sambil menunggui anak mereka sekolah. Sebut saja TK Sinar Nyata. Sebuah TK yang dikelola oleh yayasan multi-agama yang cenderung menjadi sekolah para kaum menengah ke bawah pada masa itu.

Seingat saya, sebagian besar orang tua murid di sekolah saya bekerja sebagai pedagang kecil, ada juga yang buruh pabrik, namun ada juga yang juga pegawai. Whatever, murid-murid tetap bisa berbaur satu sama lain karena yang kita pikirkan hanyalah: main belajar.

Masuk awal catur-wulan kelas nol besar, kelas kami kedatangan seorang murid baru. Namanya Dwi, seorang gadis mungil kecil yang rambutnya suka dikucir kuda sangat rapi. Tidak ada rambut yang berantakan nongol kanan kiri atas bawah seperti rambut Kiki kecil. Dwi anaknya sangat pendiam dan lebih sering menghabiskan waktu bersama ibunya ketika jam istirahat. Kiki kecil sangat tidak bisa melihat orang yang diam tak bermain-main seperti itu, sehingga Kiki kecil selalu berusaha mendekatinya dan mengajak Dwi main bersama. Sungguh mulia.

Jika dewasa ini, Tupperware (atau teman-temannya lock and lock, etc) sedang menjadi favorit buat botol minum anak-anak, kalau masa Kiki kecil, botol minum yang kami bawa adalah botol minum yang unik dan lucu bentuknya. Ada yang bentuk robot, telepon, boneka, bus, keker, bermacam-macamlah pokoknya. Mungkin saat ini ada sejumlah anak yang pakai botol minum yang lucu-lucu juga, cuma saya udah jarang lihat.

Kiki kecil nggak suka air putih. Budhe: kakak dari ayah saya yang mengasuh saya sejak kecil, selalu membuatkan saya sirup orson atau teh, atau susu coklat, atau coklat manis sebagai bekal minum di botol minum saya yang lucu. Pun teman-teman saya waktu TK juga botol minumnya beraneka bentuk dan warna. Tapi berbeda dengan Dwi…..

Sewaktu jam istirahat, Dwi menghampiri ibunya untuk meminta minum. Ibunya membuka sebuah gelas belimbing berisi air putih yang ditutup oleh plastic bening dan diikat dengan karet gelang supaya airnya tidak tumpah. Sebuah gelas kaca dengan tutup dari kantong plastik. Dan Dwi tetap meminumnya dengan bahagia disaat Kiki kecil yang menyaksikannya merasa iba.

Lama waktu berselang, Dwi sudah tidak ditunggui ibunya lagi. Hanya kakak laki-lakinya yang menjemput dia sepulang sekolah. Bu Guru bilang kalau ibunya meninggal karena sakit maag. Lalu tak berapa lama pula, Dwi sudah tidak pernah sekolah lagi. Kiki kecil tidak tau dimana Dwi dan belum mengenal kata kepo atau stalking.

Ini seberkas dari sekian gelintir ingatan saya tentang masa TK saya. Dwi, saya harap saat ini kamu hidup bahagia seperti seraut wajah damaimu kala menikmati setiap teguk air putih di gelas bertutup kantong plastik itu, dengan ibumu.

 

Masih ingatkah kamu dengan masa-masamu di Taman Kanak-Kanak?

Solo, pagi hari.

Some Old Books

perpus
uns.lib.ac.id
I was walking on the aisle of campus library. Between some old books; some even older than me. Scamming each book I found, trying to find some theories I needed. The books were interesting. They are. Always.

I was thinking to my self, if only I were very diligent and give my full concentration to study, I must be becoming Master of Art by now, like what I wanted. But I was not that kind of students who visit library so often.  I was not that kind of students who highly motivated in learning and caught teacher’s attention. If only I never wasted my super precious time with some irresponsible guys before.

If only I never fell in love with that miserable IT guy. I would never wasted my time texting, dating, and thinking about a cheater like him, I would have had studied harder. I would have had focused only on my study. I would have had a very good grade.

If only there were no drama with that fine-art student, being in campus would not felt like hell. He’s nasty. He’s the greatest liar I met in my life. He embarrassed me in front my teacher and friends. Gladly, they are on my side. A friend offered to hug me after a drama incident he made to save his face in front of the young woman he loved.

It was felt so hurt before. I used to think that my life was messed up. I spent a lot of nights crying before I fell asleep. There was a great anxiety for my future. Like, I thought that my life was over.

But then I tried hard to get up. I believe that God was on my side. Yes, HE is always with those who are right. Lucky me, HE let me see what had happened to those who hurt me were not right. I could only say “I am sorry, darling. You pay the price”. Karma does exist.

Then… jump on my worst GPA ever. There was that engineer. Ah, it’s better not to talk about him. He gave me strong intention to be a single and complete person rather than dating a bastard.

Three years later, my strength ruined when I met der ausländer two and half years ago. We can never predict what’s going on in the future, it’s what I was feeling when I met him and spent some moments with him. He told me that he had feeling to me, but I should know that it was not love. He doesn’t love me.

He had left though, but this angel babe still thought about him. I turned crazy again. But…..Ah, he once said that I am not the only one. 

Whatever, life must go on. I have a good job which I love so much. I am financially independent. I have very happy family and wonderful friends. I’ll be alright.

The last one I fell in with told me that “your lovers can be your teacher”.  Did they teach me? They trained me, and gave me very hard time to strengthen me. I learn myself. Now I am happy after forgiving them and of course, my self.

These old books had brought me to some old memories. It was hurt, but now, there is no more pain in my heart when I talk about it. It’s true that time heals you. Albeit time never able to go backward to take us in the past to avoid some mistakes we did.

 

–I have been starting to write my first chapter in my new book of life.

 

Campus’ Library, April 2016

Balada Kisah Cinta Deadpool dan Drama Netflix

Jakarta itu tempat yang asik buat jalan-jalan. Ke mall. Tapi yang bikin nggak asik adalah macetnya. Kalau dari kos saya di Karet, saya mau ke GI, LOVE, atau Semanggi deket. Tapi kalau pas saya lagi visit saudara di Jaktim, mau kemana-mana kok agak males. 

Akhirnya, setelah tiga hari hidup mengeluyur sebagai anak mall, saya dan sepupu saya memutuskan buat tinggal di rumah aja di hari Sabtu. Masak makanan sendiri juga pakai bahan seadanya karena bener-bener males keluar. Mau istirahat, lagian sepupu saya juga harus belajar buat UTS. Saya juga memutuskan untuk menghabiskan waktu sehari semalam dengan nonton drama-drama cinta di Netflix.

Saya nggak inget sih nonton film apa aja. Banyak pokoknya. Oiya, sehari sebelumnya saya sempet nonton Deadpool juga di CineMax. Deadpool juga ada kisah cintanya kan ya walopun bukan drama. 

Summary dari semua film yang saya tonton adalah: KALO CINTA PASTI BALIK. Ya…… Love will always find a way. Walopun baik yang di Deadpool maupun film di Netflix (saya lupa judulnya), si cewek ngatain “asshole” ke cowoknya pas cowok-cowok itu kabur ngilang tanpa pamit lalu balik lagi, akhirnya mereka juga bersatu juga. 

Iya, saya tau, itu kisah cinta di film. Bukan kisah cintanya Sri dan Thomas. Eh, tapi ya bisa juga ya Sri dan Thomas ketemu lagi di masa depan. Kalau Vanessa masih nerima Wade Wilson pas dia balik2 cacat and botak, Sri bisa nerima nggak ya kalau Thomas balik-balik botak dan perutnya buncit? 

Ah…. Cinta….. Ah, film…… Ah, baper……
 

yang brewok dikit-dikit gini emang bikin baper
  
ada yang setia nemenin nonton
 

–Jakarta yang lagi hobi mendung dan hujan, Februari 2015.

 

The Lost Love

kaykikay
P.A.

A couple months ago I visited some friends in Jogjakarta. My friends talked about a married couple; an Australian man-Indonesian woman who were about to divorce. The man caught his wife hook up with another man: a young Indonesian guy who is even younger than his wife. She cheated on him, sleeping with another guy in the bed where she used to use to make love with her husband.

A cyber war happened afterward. The man made status on his Facebook, telling, “you are as same as you were when the first time I met you; cheap and easy chick!” and some other status wars I didn’t really follow when my friends were talking about it. In the end, the woman deactivated her Facebook. And yeah, they are now no longer husband and wife.

Of course that’s not our business. But, don’t we aware that sometimes people love to talk about our ‘miserable’ life as their entertainment? During their talk, I made joke, “please take me to that man! I’ll heal his wound with my love. I’ll rescue him”. I begged. Seriously. Joking.

“Catch him in Singapore! I heard he moved there”. Then my friends were laughing.

Sometimes people use a distance, different hours, and lack of communication as the reasons why the feeling fades. But in some cases, sometimes the feeling keep staying strong even there is no communication between two, only prayers. Of course it really depends on what kind of lover we are. For the case above, it shows that even you live in the same house and you see your lover everyday, it doesn’t guarantee that you lover is loyal to you.

I always have no idea when people state that they divorce because there is no more strong feeling between two. For me, who come from East culture, I am taught that marriage is about being strong in the storm, not just leave when there is no more string, which turns you on so fast. Marriage is about stand up for your family, not for your own self. Of course, I don’t judge some people who decide to divorce in the end since I don’t know what really matter for two.

It’s life. It’s mysterious. We never know with whom we will fall in love, but we can choose whom we will spend our life with. I often hear that a good person deserves for a good one. So, if you want to end up with a good person, you should first be a good one. Though in real life perhaps you may catch a nice woman dated with a jerk, or opposite.

Well, I hope every one is happy with what they choose in life. And give their best loyalty. I hope.

 

JAKARTA ESCAPE : Dari Grab Car, Macet, dan Lion Air

Note: This post was not endorsed by any brand though I mentioned them.

Saya masih butuh adaptasi buat tinggal around Jabodetabek tentang estimasi waktu untuk sampai di tempat tujuan. Monday morning jam 8 pagi, saya bilang ke sepupu saya “wah semoga nanti Lion nggak delay ya”. Dan dia mengamini. Apa pasal? Saya berencana berangkat sekitar jam 8/9 dari Lippo Karawaci ke Bandara Soetta. Menurut perhitungan, perjalanan hanya memakan waktu kurang lebih 30 menit. So, at least saya akan sampai sekitar jam setengah 10 (jika saya berangkat jam 9) dan masih harus menunggu 2 jam untuk boarding (flight jam 11.45). Akhirnya jam 9 saya pesan grab car (for my first time). Ada yang belum tau apa itu grab car? Oke… Singkatnya itu ojek mobil yang nggak pake argo. Selengakapnya silahkan googling atau download aplikasinya dan coba sendiri. Hehe

Butuh less than 10 menit aja buat pak grab car sampai di apartemen sepupu saya. Yang mana, waktu saya pesen, itu posisi saya masih duduk di toilet. Akhirnya saya cepet2 finishing my business then taking my luggage terus turun dan beberapa menit kemudian mobilnya datang.

Perjalanan dari Lippo Karawaci sampai Cengkareng sih aman2 aja. Sampai akhirnya mobil yang saya tumpangi harus berhenti, melajukan mobil pelan, dan berhenti lagi, dan jalan pelan lagi. Dan saya baru sadar kalau jalanan lagi MACET! 

It was 10.10 am when I was stuck in the traffic. Menurut kebijakan, check-in-nya ditutup 45 menit sebelum terbang, which is jam 11 siang. Kecuali kalau pesawat delay, counter masih mau melayani check-in. Sedangkan dari sini ke terminal 3 kayaknya masih jauh banget. Dan macetnya sepanjang…well kayaknya sih puanjang. Dalam hati saya berdoa: “Tuhan, batalkanlah doa saya tadi pagi. Delay-kanlah pesawat saya lagi supaya counter check-in masih tetep buka sampai saya tiba”.

Tapi sepertinya Tuhan tidak membiarkan Lion selalu delay. Saya tiba jam 10.40. Masih bisa check-in tanpa panik. Bisa jalan-jalan dikit di terminal 3. Dan duduk2 nunggu boarding sambil nulis pesan panjang lebar buat dia, yang disana. 

Cengkareng, sehari setelah Valentines Day 2016.

 

hyaaa…. mulai lapar. #eh mulai deg-degan
  
menjelang panik tapi tetep stay cool foto-foto