Day One

“Teaching in the school, we cannot pay you a proper salary. Maybe the money you will earn here only can afford your petrol”, said the principal.

Talking with the principal about what things that would be going on, I didn’t mind about the salary. Somehow I knew that I should be teaching at here. It was a small school, run by a Christian foundation which is based in my city. The school’s location, however, is far from the city. It’s in the border, where we can find big truck, big bus on our way to get there. Border….

I have 12 hours (1 hour lesson is 40 minutes) in a week to teach. Though we will teach for a whole month (it means 4 weeks and sometimes more), we will only be paid according to how many hours we teach in a week. For example, if we have 12 hours in a week, and for one hour we are paid -let’s say- 16,000 rupiahs (it’s around $1.25), so count it yourself how much you will get in a month. Demand? Cannot. That’s the system. Just take it or leave it.

I took it.

It is a small school belongs to a Christian education foundation. There are only one class in each grade, whereas each class only consists of 17 to 30 students. Sometimes the number is less because many students skip the class. There are only around 10 teachers, 3 staffs, and two old couples who live at school’s area and sell food in the school canteen during the break time. The teachers sometimes only come when they have schedule to teach because some of them also have schedule in other schools.

It is a school which accepts those who are dropped out from their previous schools. It is a secondary education institution that becomes the last choice for mostly students. It is a place which simple and homely. It is a home for those who seek love and affection.

And I was there. I am still here. Writing.


You Deserve!

This morning I received message on my LINE from my former student.

“Miss, I am accepted”.

Suddenly, I felt so happy to hear the news from her.

She was my student for English conversation. She was the junior of my little brother when they worked together in a theatre club of their Senior High School. Since that time, I felt so connected to her cause we both could talk about art performing and of course, did some information about my brother.

She applied for immigration academy. I had just heard from her about immigration academy. Before, I had no idea if the people who work in immigration office should have education degree in academy of immigration.

In the previous year, she also applied. After some tests she was announced failed, which was almost the final test. She was sad, but didn’t give up. She tried it again this year.

She told me about the tests, which were a lot. Be it, academically, physically, interview, medical check up, and even virginity. Yes, I am not kidding. Virginity test was included for the test and the candidate (female) should be virgin. It’s interesting topic, isn’t it? Lets talk about it later.

I witnessed how hard she tried, how much money she had spent since the tests were held in Jakarta. Even she exercise a lot; running, swimming, to meet the body goal and prepare for sports tests.

There were no any words to respond from me but “Alhamdulilah, Praise The Lord”.

She said thanks to me for guiding her and supporting her during her hard times facing the tests. I was so flattered then my heart was touched for such kind of her gratitude, but still… “It’s because your hard work, dear! You deserve it”.

I finally feel the feelings of being a teacher. We watch one’s process of reaching their dream. We even don’t feel that we do something special, but for our students, it may means a lot for their life. We are happy, we are proud when we see our students achieve their goals, their dreams.

And one thing I learn very precious things from her: WORK HARD PAID OFF.

Hasil tidak akan pernah menghianati proses.  –unknown

Congratulation, my dear student! May your heart, your steps, are always blessed to lead you becoming a person who can give good vibes for the world. Your dream has just started.


The girl in the corner was sitting quietly, staring at her iPad. She was sweeping right and left. So did the girl in the centre. She was staring at her iPhone, did the same finger movement as the girl in the corner.

Some take it easy. Some take it hard.

They were lonely. They were hurt.

They were empty inside. They were cheering up.

They needed someone to talk to or someone to fuck.

They might find an evil, might find an angel .




Sun Sets in my Heart

Living in rural place, close to nature, and quite in the East of Bali made me feeling awkward and excited in the same time when I visited my friend in Legian. We spent an evening hanging out in one of the famous and fancy beach clubs in Double Six area, Seminyak. At first, an usher woman stared at me in a strange way. I guessed it was because of the way I dressed in a long jeans and tank top, nothing smelt glamorous and sexy from me.

The woman asked me if I had made a reservation and I answered her by pointing my friend who is already well known in the beach club. She got what I meant that I came with my friend. She then nodded and let me come in. My friend said hi to almost everyone there. She’s been famous here and she looks fancy. Yeah, I was there just because of her.

A foreigner DJ played music that match with the sunset moment and the crowd of Seminyak at the time. Some of visitors were swimming in the pool, some were just sitting down enjoy the drinks and the music while talking to some friends. I observed around and find a fact: people who work here are more kind to foreign tourist and those who ‘looks’ rich. It’s very understandable and nothing’s wrong with that since it’s what they should do.

I refused the third cocktail offered to me. Honestly, I would be happier if there is somebody offered me a glass of orange juice or sweet chocolate ice or well, maybe a glass of Virgin Mojito. I am not a big fan of alcohol. Just because of one reason: it’s pricey.

“I would be the one who drives home, so I must not get drunk”. It’s just two glasses of Cocktail and I felt bit tipsy so fast. I said no when my friend offered me her cigarette. A waiter approached us and smiled while replacing the ashtray full of menthol cigarette on our table with the new one. My friend smiled to him back as the sign of “thanks”.

The sun has set. It’s time to leave, find something to eat for diner, shower, and then sleep. For sure, the morning would wake me up with massive stomachache of the alcohol, which processed in my tummy.

On the way home, I kept thinking of my place in the village; a place where I am welcomed as I am, a place of simplicity and honest life: Tulamben.

–Legian, which is always summer.

sunset time

Some Old Books

I was walking on the aisle of campus library. Between some old books; some even older than me. Scamming each book I found, trying to find some theories I needed. The books were interesting. They are. Always.

I was thinking to my self, if only I were very diligent and give my full concentration to study, I must be becoming Master of Art by now, like what I wanted. But I was not that kind of students who visit library so often.  I was not that kind of students who highly motivated in learning and caught teacher’s attention. If only I never wasted my super precious time with some irresponsible guys before.

If only I never fell in love with that miserable IT guy. I would never wasted my time texting, dating, and thinking about a cheater like him, I would have had studied harder. I would have had focused only on my study. I would have had a very good grade.

If only there were no drama with that fine-art student, being in campus would not felt like hell. He’s nasty. He’s the greatest liar I met in my life. He embarrassed me in front my teacher and friends. Gladly, they are on my side. A friend offered to hug me after a drama incident he made to save his face in front of the young woman he loved.

It was felt so hurt before. I used to think that my life was messed up. I spent a lot of nights crying before I fell asleep. There was a great anxiety for my future. Like, I thought that my life was over.

But then I tried hard to get up. I believe that God was on my side. Yes, HE is always with those who are right. Lucky me, HE let me see what had happened to those who hurt me were not right. I could only say “I am sorry, darling. You pay the price”. Karma does exist.

Then… jump on my worst GPA ever. There was that engineer. Ah, it’s better not to talk about him. He gave me strong intention to be a single and complete person rather than dating a bastard.

Three years later, my strength ruined when I met der ausländer two and half years ago. We can never predict what’s going on in the future, it’s what I was feeling when I met him and spent some moments with him. He told me that he had feeling to me, but I should know that it was not love. He doesn’t love me.

He had left though, but this angel babe still thought about him. I turned crazy again. But…..Ah, he once said that I am not the only one. 

Whatever, life must go on. I have a good job which I love so much. I am financially independent. I have very happy family and wonderful friends. I’ll be alright.

The last one I fell in with told me that “your lovers can be your teacher”.  Did they teach me? They trained me, and gave me very hard time to strengthen me. I learn myself. Now I am happy after forgiving them and of course, my self.

These old books had brought me to some old memories. It was hurt, but now, there is no more pain in my heart when I talk about it. It’s true that time heals you. Albeit time never able to go backward to take us in the past to avoid some mistakes we did.


–I have been starting to write my first chapter in my new book of life.


Campus’ Library, April 2016

The Lost Love


A couple months ago I visited some friends in Jogjakarta. My friends talked about a married couple; an Australian man-Indonesian woman who were about to divorce. The man caught his wife hook up with another man: a young Indonesian guy who is even younger than his wife. She cheated on him, sleeping with another guy in the bed where she used to use to make love with her husband.

A cyber war happened afterward. The man made status on his Facebook, telling, “you are as same as you were when the first time I met you; cheap and easy chick!” and some other status wars I didn’t really follow when my friends were talking about it. In the end, the woman deactivated her Facebook. And yeah, they are now no longer husband and wife.

Of course that’s not our business. But, don’t we aware that sometimes people love to talk about our ‘miserable’ life as their entertainment? During their talk, I made joke, “please take me to that man! I’ll heal his wound with my love. I’ll rescue him”. I begged. Seriously. Joking.

“Catch him in Singapore! I heard he moved there”. Then my friends were laughing.

Sometimes people use a distance, different hours, and lack of communication as the reasons why the feeling fades. But in some cases, sometimes the feeling keep staying strong even there is no communication between two, only prayers. Of course it really depends on what kind of lover we are. For the case above, it shows that even you live in the same house and you see your lover everyday, it doesn’t guarantee that you lover is loyal to you.

I always have no idea when people state that they divorce because there is no more strong feeling between two. For me, who come from East culture, I am taught that marriage is about being strong in the storm, not just leave when there is no more string, which turns you on so fast. Marriage is about stand up for your family, not for your own self. Of course, I don’t judge some people who decide to divorce in the end since I don’t know what really matter for two.

It’s life. It’s mysterious. We never know with whom we will fall in love, but we can choose whom we will spend our life with. I often hear that a good person deserves for a good one. So, if you want to end up with a good person, you should first be a good one. Though in real life perhaps you may catch a nice woman dated with a jerk, or opposite.

Well, I hope every one is happy with what they choose in life. And give their best loyalty. I hope.