5 Practical Things You can Do When You are Depressed


Everyone will face hard times that sometimes make them feel depressed. I did. When praying and meditating seem imaginary, we need more practical things as the action: share our life.

1. If you love cooking, you can cook some kinds of meals. Go to the nearest markets, be it traditional/farmer’s market or modern supermarket (depends on your budget). Sliced the veggies/ metas wholeheartedly. Cook them with love. Then, packed the meals in some boxes. Finally, give the food to homeless people.

2. If you love sewing, go buying some fabrics, yarn, cotton, zipper, etc to make a bandana, pencil case, or even a doll. Cut the fabric carefully and sew it with love. Packed them in a nice wrap. Finally, go to orphanage and give them for free.

3. If you love reading and talking to people. Grab a story book from a bookstore/ library. Go to a middle-class school, speak to the principal that you want to volunteer. Read and tell the story of the books for the kids there.

4. If you even have no money you can share and still you don’t want to interact with people, look at the things around you. Look at your room, look at your house, look at your garden, look at the streets around your place. Are they clean enough? Are they tidy enough? Do they need some touches to make them looking more artsy/beautiful? Clean them. Tidy them up. Make them looking different.

5. If you feel too lazy to do things and feeling broke enough so you have no penny, go to public library. Find some motivational/inspirational/spiritual books, Write a summary about it and publish it on your personal blog or social media (whatever you want) wether you want to share it to people or keep it for yourself, it’s totally up to you.

God luck 🙂




I’ve been away. . .

How can I say to You. I love somebody new.
You were so good to me always.
And when I see Your eyes. I can’t go on with lie.
It breaks Your heart, but I just can’t hide it.

Oh, no…

I, I’ve been away too long. Now I just can’t go on.
I’ve been away too long. I, I’ve been away too long.
No, I can’t be so strong. I’ve been away too long.
Don’t look that way to me. It hurts You, so I see

–George Backer

Day One

“Teaching in the school, we cannot pay you a proper salary. Maybe the money you will earn here only can afford your petrol”, said the principal.

Talking with the principal about what things that would be going on, I didn’t mind about the salary. Somehow I knew that I should be teaching at here. It was a small school, run by a Christian foundation which is based in my city. The school’s location, however, is far from the city. It’s in the border, where we can find big truck, big bus on our way to get there. Border….

I have 12 hours (1 hour lesson is 40 minutes) in a week to teach. Though we will teach for a whole month (it means 4 weeks and sometimes more), we will only be paid according to how many hours we teach in a week. For example, if we have 12 hours in a week, and for one hour we are paid -let’s say- 16,000 rupiahs (it’s around $1.25), so count it yourself how much you will get in a month. Demand? Cannot. That’s the system. Just take it or leave it.

I took it.

It is a small school belongs to a Christian education foundation. There are only one class in each grade, whereas each class only consists of 17 to 30 students. Sometimes the number is less because many students skip the class. There are only around 10 teachers, 3 staffs, and two old couples who live at school’s area and sell food in the school canteen during the break time. The teachers sometimes only come when they have schedule to teach because some of them also have schedule in other schools.

It is a school which accepts those who are dropped out from their previous schools. It is a secondary education institution that becomes the last choice for mostly students. It is a place which simple and homely. It is a home for those who seek love and affection.

And I was there. I am still here. Writing.

You Deserve!

This morning I received message on my LINE from my former student.

“Miss, I am accepted”.

Suddenly, I felt so happy to hear the news from her.

She was my student for English conversation. She was the junior of my little brother when they worked together in a theatre club of their Senior High School. Since that time, I felt so connected to her cause we both could talk about art performing and of course, did some information about my brother.

She applied for immigration academy. I had just heard from her about immigration academy. Before, I had no idea if the people who work in immigration office should have education degree in academy of immigration.

In the previous year, she also applied. After some tests she was announced failed, which was almost the final test. She was sad, but didn’t give up. She tried it again this year.

She told me about the tests, which were a lot. Be it, academically, physically, interview, medical check up, and even virginity. Yes, I am not kidding. Virginity test was included for the test and the candidate (female) should be virgin. It’s interesting topic, isn’t it? Lets talk about it later.

I witnessed how hard she tried, how much money she had spent since the tests were held in Jakarta. Even she exercise a lot; running, swimming, to meet the body goal and prepare for sports tests.

There were no any words to respond from me but “Alhamdulilah, Praise The Lord”.

She said thanks to me for guiding her and supporting her during her hard times facing the tests. I was so flattered then my heart was touched for such kind of her gratitude, but still… “It’s because your hard work, dear! You deserve it”.

I finally feel the feelings of being a teacher. We watch one’s process of reaching their dream. We even don’t feel that we do something special, but for our students, it may means a lot for their life. We are happy, we are proud when we see our students achieve their goals, their dreams.

And one thing I learn very precious things from her: WORK HARD PAID OFF.

Hasil tidak akan pernah menghianati proses.  –unknown

Congratulation, my dear student! May your heart, your steps, are always blessed to lead you becoming a person who can give good vibes for the world. Your dream has just started.


The girl in the corner was sitting quietly, staring at her iPad. She was sweeping right and left. So did the girl in the centre. She was staring at her iPhone, did the same finger movement as the girl in the corner.

Some take it easy. Some take it hard.

They were lonely. They were hurt.

They were empty inside. They were cheering up.

They needed someone to talk to or someone to fuck.

They might find an evil, might find an angel .




Sun Sets in my Heart

Living in rural place, close to nature, and quite in the East of Bali made me feeling awkward and excited in the same time when I visited my friend in Legian. We spent an evening hanging out in one of the famous and fancy beach clubs in Double Six area, Seminyak. At first, an usher woman stared at me in a strange way. I guessed it was because of the way I dressed in a long jeans and tank top, nothing smelt glamorous and sexy from me.

The woman asked me if I had made a reservation and I answered her by pointing my friend who is already well known in the beach club. She got what I meant that I came with my friend. She then nodded and let me come in. My friend said hi to almost everyone there. She’s been famous here and she looks fancy. Yeah, I was there just because of her.

A foreigner DJ played music that match with the sunset moment and the crowd of Seminyak at the time. Some of visitors were swimming in the pool, some were just sitting down enjoy the drinks and the music while talking to some friends. I observed around and find a fact: people who work here are more kind to foreign tourist and those who ‘looks’ rich. It’s very understandable and nothing’s wrong with that since it’s what they should do.

I refused the third cocktail offered to me. Honestly, I would be happier if there is somebody offered me a glass of orange juice or sweet chocolate ice or well, maybe a glass of Virgin Mojito. I am not a big fan of alcohol. Just because of one reason: it’s pricey.

“I would be the one who drives home, so I must not get drunk”. It’s just two glasses of Cocktail and I felt bit tipsy so fast. I said no when my friend offered me her cigarette. A waiter approached us and smiled while replacing the ashtray full of menthol cigarette on our table with the new one. My friend smiled to him back as the sign of “thanks”.

The sun has set. It’s time to leave, find something to eat for diner, shower, and then sleep. For sure, the morning would wake me up with massive stomachache of the alcohol, which processed in my tummy.

On the way home, I kept thinking of my place in the village; a place where I am welcomed as I am, a place of simplicity and honest life: Tulamben.

–Legian, which is always summer.

sunset time