The sky was so bright that morning. I was on my motorbike going to shop for some food orders. I would have several home visit classes after cooking and delivering the food to my loyal customers. It was going to be a long day. On the bike, I spoke to my inner heart, “God, please give a clear sky the whole day today.”
That evening, the sky was not bright at all. The rain fell. I arrived home wet again. My day was still good. God is still good.
I had just finished reading a novel entitled “Critical Eleven”. Perhaps that was the very first novel I read again after several years I’ve put myself into self development and philosophic or spiritual books. The book was actually addictive (yeah, reading can be addictive too sometimes) that I couldn’t wait to finish it soon to know how the story ends. So, there I was, spending one to two hours every day for couple of days from page one to 300s.
My emotion was involved when reading the novel. It talks about Ale and Anya; two Jakartans who have high class –but actually normal– lifestyle. Apart from the plot of the story, I was interested to dig out more about the characters’ background.
Both of the characters graduated from American universities. That’s something ‘normal’ for those who live in big cities and from a wealthy family. In contrary, it used to be an impressive thing to me back then when I was in university.
The night after I finished reading, I met a friend who –I am sure– she has billions knowledge about books, novels, authors because she herself is a writer. She said that she has read the book. I told her my conclusion about the characters’ wealthy family background. Born in a supportive family, given accesses for after schools extra education, explored to global information since early age, no wonder that they can be whatever they want and afford things what they dream of. They –now– is something normal for me as I see that ‘Ale and Anya’ are on my circles and family, too.
My friend added that almost of the author’s of the Critical Eleven books describes her characters as cliche; the normal ‘Jakartan’s high class’ lifestyle. “Perhaps because she was a banker, then not just a banker who works as front liners, but upper position, at the back office for example. Maybe. Therefore her kind of characters she described based on her knowledge she encounters daily.” I said. I read her biography, too.
The discussion I had with my friend calmed my insecurity little bit of being stuck in my hometown and seem make no progress. I once work in Jakarta few years ago. No, I don’t stay there that long, just few months. I was lucky to be in the middle of the city, cross to main roads and business / office centers. I didn’t see a lot of slums as part of the city, too. My life was okay, I mean, I could be in a shopping mall, spend money on good foods or clothes on the weekend, because that were what I could do. Nothing’s more.
Here in my hometown, I m close with my family. I don’t know until when I still can kiss my mom’s chubby cheeks or seizing a traditional market my dad for buying some herbs for making a herbal drink. I don’t buy that ‘good food’ only for my self to appreciate my hard work the past week. Instead, with the same price of my spending on one -good- meal, I buy a box of fried chicken for the whole family at home, or buy them capcay or bakmi after I work which will be welcomed with my mom’s happy puppy eyes.
If today I were still doing the job back in Jakarta, I m not sure if I could live like Anya. Perhaps I know some great brands, concern with my look more because of my society, but I don’t know if I could afford all of them. Then, I would be still staying at my tiny rented room surrounded by some giant towers. But one thing for sure, I would be stranded there with the fear and anxiety of covid more than here cause I m away from my beloved family.
Apakah kamu percaya kalau doa yang kamu panjatkan didengar Tuhan? Saya percaya itu. Jika terlebih dalam kondisi dimana kita benar-benar tidak berdaya lagi.
Tahun 2018 saya patah hati karena diblok seseorang. Betapa mengerikannya peran media sosial saat ini yang mampu memainkan emosi kita. Pasalnya, saya diblok saat saya merasa belum beres dan masih butuh berkomunikasi dengan orang tersebut. Terlebih, dia adalah orang yang sangat berarti untuk saya kala itu.
Di tengah siang saat saya siap-siap untuk menyelam di laut utara Bali, hati saya hancur dan mendadak pikiran kalut. ‘Diputuskan’ sepihak rasanya sangat tidak adil. Saya meminta ijin pada instruktur selam saya untuk bermeditasi sejenak. Saya masuk kamar, berdiam diri, dan mulai berdoa. Pertama saya berdoa meminta ketenangan dan keikhlasan. Kedua untuk keselamatan kami waktu menyelam. Lalu terakhir, saya berdoa untuk dipertemukan dengan lelaki yang baik.
Malamnya, saya berjalan-jalan di Amplapura; pusat kota Kabupaten Karangasem. Kebetulan saat itu sedang ada perayaan HUT Karangasem. Ada panggung hiburan dan banyak sekali tenda-tenda jualan dari makanan, pakaian, souvenir, dll. Saya makan babi panggang lalu membeli alat musik Rindik mini untuk saya bawa pulang ke Solo.
Sesampai di Amed (tempat saya tinggal), saya sudah dalam keadaan mengantuk. Nmaun sebelum tidur, saya sempatkan lagi untuk berdoa. Isinya masih sama seperti doa siang tadi. Hanya nomor dua saya ganti ucapan syukur karena saya masih bisa jalan-jalan. Nomer tiga tetap; saya minta dipertemukan dengan lelaki baik, bukan sebagain rebound guy, namun hanya ingin bukti dari semesta bahwa lelaki baik itu masih ada.
Esok paginya, saya snorkeling di tempat dimana saya menyelam hari sebelumnya. Teman saya memiliki sebuah kapal fast boat (biasa untuk menyeberang ke Gili T) yg sedang parkir, kami akan berenang menuju kapal tersebut dan melompat dari atap dek kapal ke laut. Dasar saya bukan perenang dan pemanjat handal, sudah renangnya lama karena tak biasa melawan ombak, ditambah tak bisa memanjat ke kapal (karena memang kebetulan kapalnya tidak bertangga). Mana dalam proses memanjat ke kapal, kaki-kaki saya terluka oleh barnacles yang menempel di body kapal. Kulit tersayat, darah mengucur dan perih yang melanda ditambah asinnya air laut, saya akhirnya memutuskan untuk kembali ke pantai.
Sesampai di pantai, saya mencoba melihat luka-luka sayatan dari barnacles tadi. Lumayan banyak. Namun, saya sudah sampai Amed. Butuh banyak uang dan waktu luang buat saya sampai ke sini. Kapan lagi saya bisa melihat ikan menari dan terumbu karang yang sangat cantik?
Akhirnya saya memutuskan untuk berenang lagi. Saya sudah tau sedikit tentang spot mana yang bagus terumbu karangnya, Saya berenang ke arah jam 3, lebih jauh daripada rute ke kapal. Kaki memang perih, tapi melihat keindahan bawah laut yang belum tentu saya lihat setiap tahunnya, memberi saya motivasi kuat.
Akhirnya saya menyerah. Kaki semakin perih. Saya berenang sejajar arah jam 6 ke pantai (bukan di tempat saya mulai tadi) untuk mempersingkat waktu. Sesampai di pantai, saya membersihkan kaki saya dan memeriksa luka saya lagi. Beberapa menit kemudian ada seorang laki-laki berkacamata hitam mendekat dari sebuah restauran bar di pantai sambil memegang sebotol Bintang. Karena kami sempat saling melihat, maka kemudian kami saling senyum.
“Hi. How’s it there?” Katanya.
“It’s great. But I got my feet injured.” Jawab saya.
My male friends told me that marrying a beautiful lady is a must. They think that having beautiful wife next to them when waking up in the morning is priceless. Beauty, however one of their essential requirements before dating somebody. What kind of beauty is that? Preferences.
As I m growing up and facing several kinds of life dramas, especially when it comes to dating, relationship, and some relatives or friends’ marriage, I am as one of the female creatures, often think that having a loving and caring partner is beyond everything. Somehow, how much ever he would earn from his job, as long he has willingness to work, honest, and love to share even the small, that’s more than enough. Then what about the look? I believe in this then:
You can always put on make up, do treatment or even surgery to an ugly face. But you can’t do anything with ugly heart.
Fall in love with a good heart, and every thing is beautiful.
Salah satu judul yang terlintas di beranda youtube saya bertuliskan “Lama Bukan Bearrti Gagal” sedangkan di cover videonya adalah seorang laki-laki berseragam tentara loreng dan terdapat pula semacam teaser tulisan “10 kali mencoba masuk akmil baru diterima”. Saya tidak melihat videonya, namun dari judul dan cover-nya, saya sudah bisa tau gambaran isinya. Menarik.
Dalam hidup ini, mungkin kita pernah merasa bahwa kita belum di level yang sama seperti orang-orang lain seumuran atau bahkan lebih muda dari kita. Bukan hanya perasaan kita saja, karena pemikiran itu didukung oleh ucapan-ucapan orang lain di sekeliling kita. Oh, apa terbalik ya? Jangan-jangan selama ini kita baik-baik saja dengan keadaan diri kita, namun orang di sekeliling kita lah yang kemudian membuat kita merasa buruk?
Lama bukan berarti gagal. Saya mencoba mencerna kalimat tersebut dengan menghubungkan peristiwa-peristiwa yang terjadi dalam hidup saya. Saya menyelesaikan studi S1 saya selama 7 tahun. Waktu yang lama, bukan? Walaupun demikian tidak berarti saya gagal, kan? It’s done.
Ada seorang gadis yang sudah diambang kekhawatiran karena di usianya yang 30an, ia belum juga menemukan seorang pasangan. Ibu serta kakak-kakaknya sudah pasti ikut khawatir dan mencoba mengenalkan dia pada beberapa lelaki yang mereka kenal. Hingga akhirnya, datanglah lelaki itu setelah melalui banyak sakit dan kecewa. Mereka akhirnya menikah, dan saya bisa menyaksikan sampai sekarang bahwa lelaki itu benar-benar menicntai sang gadis serta keluarganya. It takes ages, but it doesn’t mean that it never comes.
Seorang kerabat menunggu momongan selama hampir sembilan tahun. Cobaan ketika sang bayi dalam kandungan pun masih ada saat dokter menyatakan bahwa kondisi bayinya jelek. Namun pada akhirnya sang bayi lahir sesar, sehat dan kini tumbuh menjadi gadis yang sangat cerdas dan taat pada ajaran agamanya. Sembilan tahun itu lama. Pertanyaan orang pasti lalu lalang dan sempat menyakitkan hati. Walaupun demikian, lama bukan berarti gagal.
Di tengah-tengah pandemi virus korona ini, banyak sekali yang dirumahkan atau bahkan kehilangan pekerjaan mereka. Sedangkan, yang sebelumnya sedang menjadi pencari kerja-pun akan semakin lama menunggu pekerjaan tersedia lagi, semakin lama menjadi pengangguran lagi. Kita semua belum tau ending dari pandemi ini akan seperti apa. Bahkan, hari esok pun, beberapa dari kita mungkin juga tidak tau masih bisa makan atau tidak.
Jika lama bukan berarti gagal, maka kita; jika saat ini merasa terpuruk karena belum mampu menghasilkan sesuatu, bukan berarti kita orang gagal. Tapi tetap ada syaratnya ya: coba terus. Tuhan sudah punya rencana baik buat kita nanti di ujung sana.
My body laid on the table. My cousin came that day on his day off for treating me himself doing the IVP. He tried to give me contrast injection many times on my right hand but failed. Don’t ask me how did it feel. It was not like other injection I got seeing on how big the syringe it was.
My body was numb and sweating. There were three officers at that office and kept saying a joke to me (knowing that the one who gave me injection was my cousin). Finally he moved the syringe on my arm and gave the injection there. The syringe stay there for quite long cause the liquid injected to my body was a bottle like around 100ml. Again, don’t ask me how did it feel.
I laid there for almost 2 hours. The first 5 minutes, my urine tract on the right ureter was not seen. At minutes 15, it was not seen again. Then at minutes 30, still, it was not seen. My cousin came from the operator room and sat next to me. His head was down,”the right kidney function was not seen”.
“So?” I asked.
“Let’s wait till minutes 60.” He said.
It was still not seen at minutes 60. We waited again for another 30 minutes. I was left alone on the X-Ray table. The room is getting colder from the AC. I spoke to my body and cried.
“Dear my right kidney, I know you’ve worked hard for my body. I am sorry I didn’t really care to you before. It’s okay if you are tired and sick now. Please don’t be shy, it’s okay to be sick, please show up. We will fight it together”.
I had few more photos at minutes 90.
The doctor and my cousin ended the session. “The right kidney function is seen little bit”.
It had been a month I had weekly check up at the hospital. On the third week, my tummy and back pain had gone slowly. On the fourth week the doctor said that I had been okay and the regular check up had ended. I felt my body was okay already.
A week after, the pain shown up again. I spent half day shopping groceries, cooking , delivery the food for my customer (yeah, I tried a culinary business myself to stay active during my unemployment. Follow the IG: kikay_kuking) then I taught a class in the evening.
I thought it was normal tummy pain. But then…. No… I could recognise the pain I used to had before. It was on Sunday. On Tuesday, my sister who’s a doctor came home. She suggested me to take USG check. That night I made appointment with my cousin who works as a radiographer in a hospital in Solo.
I had the check the morning after. The radiology specialist used to be my sister’s senior when she had internship, so they talked a lot. The USG showed that my right kidney was swollen. It could not be seen what the cause, but most of the case is stone. She then talked to my sister about it and recommended me to urologist.
In the evening, my sister tried to contact her fellow doctors in the city asking which urologist is the best. The choice went to the urologist in the hospital where I did my USG.
On Thursday morning, I went to Puskesmas (Public Health Service) to ask for recommendation letter for having advance check up at the hospital. That’s a procedure for BPJS (Indonesian Public Health Insurance) member that we cannot just go have a check or stay at a hospital unless we are ready to pay everything ourselves or using private insurance. I showed the USG result as the proof that I needed to see urologist.
After I got the recommendation, I immediately went to the hospital. Lucky me that it was the day where the urologist on duty. I had a lab check that day as well and IVP the next week(Like X-Ray but we are injected a contrast to see our blood / urine in the picture). God bless my way.
It’s been three months I don’t work as a salary-woman. I left my job after some considerations then a momentum for working as a freelancer which offer my three times salary came. The freelance project run only for 25 days. Sounds silly why did I leave a prestigious position and a comfort (monthly income) situation for a short project. But trust me, I didn’t regret taking the project cause afterward I had nice vacation enjoying and adoring Banyuwangi then flew to Singapore seeing a very good friend.
During my employment with the US Army-project, in the evening I actively applied and enrolled to some possibilities that could take me to The Netherlands and stayed there for at least one year. I even did interview for Bali jobs which I was sure I would be getting it and moving to Bali as soon as I finish the project and traveling. But then thing happened.
One evening I felt a very terrible stomachache. It was the worst ever in my life. The pain then spread to my back, on the right side then it turned out to be double pain. I swore in prayed almost in the same time cause I really couldn’t help it.
I went to emergency at midnight then I was given gastro medicine and pain killer. Two days after the pain showed up again. I ended up to do outpatient for a month with an internist. My sister who is a doctor suspected that it was a kidney stone, but the internist didn’t think so.
At the hospital, I did an X-Ray than my spine showed Low Back Pain instead. I once cried at the hospital while waiting for my turn to see the doctor because of the pain came regularly.
I got pain killer from the internist and some medicine to keep my colon healthy. However my sister prescribed me with medicine to break the kidney stone. I took like 6 pills at once. I tried to mark when the pain came. It came every three or four hours and sometimes even shorter and lasted for 30 to 45 minutes. At that situation, it was very impossible to work as a full-timer and live far away from home.